Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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