Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
