People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So here I am, sexting at work.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
