If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
