Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
