Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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