hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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