I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
