There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize