Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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