I think I won the penis lottery.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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