My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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