we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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