I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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