Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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