I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
