I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize