thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
