if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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