I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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