I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
