Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
