can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
