I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
this is an emotional support booty call
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
