hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
