apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
