its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
