So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize