I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
