I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
