Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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