My friends, they love my intelligence
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
