Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
