Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize