Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
