Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
