It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
