Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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