Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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