She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
