i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
