I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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