I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My breasts were aching with rage.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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