I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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