You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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