im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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