i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I could make wine with my vomit
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
