Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize