I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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