i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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