I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
