he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
