Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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