I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize