i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
