i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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