U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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