i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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