Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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