your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
